Writing Standards Portfolio

http://hanbbyx3.wix.com/writing-standards

Angry Letter Final Draft

91-224A Waakea Place

Kapolei, Hawaii, 96707

December 12, 2013

Brandy Melville

280 Beachwalk, Suite 104

Honolulu, Hawaii 96815

To the Brandy Melville Management:

Because of your laid back, chic style, Brandy Melville has made a major impact on teenage fashion trends worldwide, and is still continuing to do so. I have been a loyal customer since you've opened your Hawaii location a few years back, and I think that it's safe to say that Brandy Melville is my favorite clothing store. However a past experience has led me to see your store in a completely different way.

During your Black Friday sale, wristbands were passed out to avoid troubles that occurred in the last year. When I received mine, the man who had been putting the wristband on me said, "...most girls who shop here are very slim." At first, it hadn't really bothered me, until I quickly looked over to the other girls in line, and realized that the man was right. Like I said before, Brandy Melville is a very popular trend, and like most trends, it shapes the way we live. And because it is so popular, naturally, teenagers want to be a part of the hype.

Unfortunately, due to the "One Size Fits Most" plaques that surround your store, not everyone can enjoy the items available. Although it may be convenient for customers to not have to look for a specific size, not to mention that producing only one size of clothing may save your company money, understand that this is a form of discrimination, and it can offend people. The plaque itself basically states that not everyone can fit the one size (aside from some of the denim products) that you sell, and will create a standard for girls to fit that one size, which may eventually lead to a health threatening issue.

I also noticed that most, if not all, of your advertisements, feature thin girls with flat stomachs and skeletal limbs. These characteristics are what are considered to be the "perfect" body to most of our society today. And what's better than to have these "perfect" girls to advertise your products, to create an image that most teens idolize? However, with this image, comes a plethora of issues, one of them being body dysmorphia. The average American woman is considered to be a size 14, and considering the fact that your store isn't the only one that advertises these rail thin girls wearing your products, teens who merely want to be a part of the crowd are pressured into having an eating disorder.

Although your business isn't the only one who has a target audience, Brandy Melville is a big name, and being able to change your sizing system will hopefully inspire other brands to change theirs as well. For example, on your website, the sizing chart provides an image of an extremely thin girl, once again, using the perfect body image. But changing these standards will create a positive effect on our society by creating a new image of a perfect body.

I hope you don't take this offensively, as I am just trying to suggest a concept that will not only benefit your business, but also the health of millions of people who are being molded by the needs of society. 

Thank you for your consideration.

Hannah Maestro

Risky Business Final Draft

Today, a staggering 48.2% of high school seniors have used illegal drugs, while 15% have abused prescription drugs. But today, drugs don't just come from drug dealers OR the medicine cabinet. Teens are turning to household items, such as glue and hand sanitizer, to get their fix.

As children grow into their teenage years, society's use of drugs leads them to question whether drugs are as bad as they seem, and teens today have a high chance of getting their hands on drugs with alternative, or homemade, drugs that are easily accessible. However, 80% of students report that their parents' expectations, concerns and warnings have influenced their thoughts of using illegal substances; parents who consistently remind their teens of the dangers of drugs are 42% less likely to use drugs. But that doesn't stop parents from having to worry about their teens using not only illegal drugs, but homemade drugs as well.

"Many teens are getting dangerous highs from drugs easily found in stores or homes and replacing underage drinking with them," says Dr. Yael Varnado. For example, hand sanitizer, which may lead to hallucinations, extreme paranoia, violent behavior, and erratic heartbeats. Stress and peer pressure are just a few factors that may lead teens to ingest, inhale, or smoke, these otherwise legal substances.

While illegal drugs are still a danger to teens, parents now have to worry about the trending "designer drugs," from cough syrup to nutmeg. Processes of abusing these substances are only a click away. Recipes for homemade highs on the Internet have increased over the past decade, and tech-savvy teens, unbeknownst to their parents, are crowding these sites. Even though doctors have discovered the effect of some of these homemade drugs, they have yet to learn of other harmful substances teens are using, as well as their disturbing, sometimes fatal, consequences.  These alternative drugs are very easy to reach, and even worse, parents may not know that their teens are using it, until it's too late. 

Angry Letter Rough Draft

To the Brandy Melville Management,

Because of your laid back, chic style, Brandy Melville quickly became a cult favorite to teenagers worldwide. You have made a major impact on teenage fashion trends, and are still continuing to do so. I have been a loyal customer since you've opened your Hawaii location a few years back, and I think that it's safe to say that Brandy Melville is my favorite clothing store. However a past experience has led me to see your store in a completely different way.

During your Black Friday sale, wristbands were passed out to avoid troubles that occurred in the last year. When I received mine, the man who had been putting the wristband on me said, "...most girls who shop here are very slim." At first, it hadn't really bothered me, until I quickly swept over the other girls in line, and realized that the man was right. Like I said before, Brandy Melville is a very popular trend, and like most trends, it shapes the way we live. And because it is so popular, naturally, teenagers want to be a part of the hype. Unfortunately, due to the "One Size Fits Most" plaques that surround your store, not everyone can enjoy the items available. The plaque itself basically states that not everyone can fit the one size (aside from some of the denim products) that you sell. Although it may be convenient to not have to look for a specific size, understand that this is a form of discrimination, and it can offend people. I noticed that most, if not all, of your advertisements, feature thin girls with flat stomachs and skeletal limbs. These characteristics are what is considered to be the "perfect" body to most of our society today. And what's better than to have these "perfect" girls to advertise your products, to create an image that most teens idolize? However, with this image, comes a plethora of issues, one of them being body dysmorphia. The average American woman is considered to be a size 14, and considering the fact that your store isn't the only one that advertises these rail thin girls wearing your products, teens who merely want to be a part of the crowd are pressured into having an eating disorder.

Although your business isn't the only one who has a target audience, Brandy Melville is a big name, and being able to change your sizing system will hopefully inspire other brands to change theirs as well. For example, on your website, the sizing chart provides an image of an extremely thin girl, once again, using the "perfect" body image. But changing these standards will create a positive effect on our society by creating a new image of a "perfect" body.

I hope you don't take this offensively, as I am just trying to suggest a concept that will not only benefit your business, but also the health of millions of people who are being molded by the needs of society. 

Thank you for your consideration,

Hannah Maestro

Risky Business Draft

As children grow into their teenage years, society's use of drugs leads them to question whether drugs are as bad as they seem, and teens today have a high chance of getting their hands on drugs with alternative, or homemade, drugs that are easily accessible.

Even though the amount of high school drug users have decreased since 1999, a staggering 48.2% of high school seniors have used illegal drugs, while 15% have abused prescription drugs. 80% of students report that their parents' expectations, concerns and warnings have influenced their thoughts of using illegal substances; parents who consistently remind their teens of the dangers of drugs are 42% less likely to use drugs. However, drugs don't just come from drug dealers OR the medicine cabinet. Teens are turning to household items, such as glue and hand sanitizer, to get their fix.

"Many teens are getting dangerous highs from drugs easily found in stores or homes and replacing underage drinking with them," says Dr. Yael Varnado. For example, hand sanitizer, which may lead to hallucinations, extreme paranoia, violent behavior, and erratic heartbeats. Stress and peer pressure are just a few factors that may lead teens to ingest, inhale, or smoke, these otherwise legal substances.

While illegal drugs are still a danger to teens, parents now have to worry about the trending "designer drugs," from cough syrup to nutmeg. Processes of abusing these substances are only a click away. Recipes for homemade highs on the Internet have increased over the past decade, and tech-savvy teens, unbeknownst to their parents, are crowding these sites. Even though doctors have discovered the effect of some of these homemade drugs, they have yet to learn of other harmful substances teens are using, as well as their disturbing, sometimes fatal, consequences.  These alternative drugs are very easy to reach, and even worse, parents may not know that their teens are using it, until it's too late. 

College Prompt Essay Final Draft

If there’s one thing you should know about me, it’s that I loved the sciences. I would consider it as my passion; I need science in my life. It's been, and still is, a big part of my life, from my extreme amount of science books, to it being my favorite subject. Most people consider me weird, a know-it-all even, because of my unecessarily excessive knowledge of things most people don't know about. I always need an answer to everything; if someone states a fact, I automatically need reasoning. Even today, my parents still have to endure my constant questions about anything, from how the world works, to things even my parents can't give me an answer to. Since I was a child, I've always been known to be the curious one, the one to ask, "Why?" or How?" And I still continue to be that person. My obsessive need to know everything about everything still runs through me, and although it may be a bad thing sometimes, I consider it to be a good characteristic.

Growing up with both parents working in the medical field, their time was almost always consumed by work. However, my parents had always bought me books, and that was enough to distract me from complaining about how little I saw them. I often spent my time reading scary stories and question-and-answer books. But I soon grew to love science books in particular. Occasionally, when I got sick of my science books, I would peek through my parents’ medical books. As I looked at all of the injuries and disorders, I knew one thing I was sure of: I was never going into the medical field. However a few observations and an open mind changed my opinions drastically.

My parents were always considered as the people to go to when they needed the support. Whenever relatives or family friends had problems at home, or even high blood pressure, they would ask my parents for advice. And I really liked that. I wanted to become the person everyone goes to for support. I wanted to help people, to know that I’ve changed someone’s life. And before I knew it, I was looking through jobs in the medical field. The medical field created a big impact in my life. Thinking about it now, it’s impossible to love science and hate the medical field, but I did, and I don’t regret it. But being in the medical field satisfies not only my need for science, but my need to help people as well.

Word Choice Olympics

1. Joyous: As I stepped on the porch, I heard the delightful sound of my children laughing. I walked towards the door carefully, trying not to make a sound. After taking a deep, calming breath, I knocked on the door three times, very eager to see my family. "I'M HOME," I shouted as the door creaked open. I opened my arms, pulling my children into a tight hug. I opened my eyes to see my wife, smiling at me, and at that moment, I knew I was home.
2. Intense: She raised the gun with her shaky hands, and stared directly to my eyes. "I told you not to trust me," she purred. I should have known better than to let a stranger come into my home, but then again, she was an attractive, beguiling snake. Come on, think straight, I thought to myself as I remembered that my life was in her hands.
3. Nerve-wracking: The score was at a tie, and with our last chance to win, this moment became nerve-wracking. The crowd was silent as they anticipated to find out which team is taking the gold medal home. Before I knew it, the ball came towards me with full force. And at that moment, the world stopped. I knew that wherever this ball lands determines where our future goes. I ran towards the ball, feeling the sand between my toes. I jumped, then spiked the ball to the opposing team. The ball landed in a thud on their court. "We won. WE WON!" My teammate yelled. I couldn't believe it. I let out a shaky breath, and laughed. "Yeah, we did," I breathed out.

Frigid: I continued to walk, pulling my books closer to my chest. I knew someone, or something, was following me. The cold air and stillness of the trees compelled me to walk faster. You'll be fine, I thought to myself, but that thought soon seemed to be impossible when I heard and inhumane growl behind me. My skin prickled with fear as I turned around. It was black, resembled the looks of a wolf, and was almost as tall as a horse. It stared at me with its seemingly golden eyes. It growled at me again, looking hungrier by the second. I turned, and ran. I looked at the bridge and knew that it was a matter between life and death.

Pessimistic: Just a bit longer. Just a bit longer, and it'll all be over. I never wanted to have this birthday party in the first place. I'm thirteen years old; birthday parties are for children. My mom just had to call everyone from my class and invite them over for a "celebration". I don't consider this a celebration if I'm not having any fun. Shaking my legs and fidgeting with my hands, I get antsy for this cursed party to end.
   

College Prompt Essay Draft

University of California - San Francisco

• Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community, or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Growing up with both parents working in the medical field, their time was almost always consumed by work. I often spent my time reading scary stories and question-and-answer books. If there’s one thing you should know about me, it’s that I loved the sciences. I would consider it as my passion; I need science in my life. Occasionally, when I got sick of my science books, I would peek through my parents’ medical books. As I looked at all of the injuries and disorders, I knew one thing I was sure of: I was never going into the medical field. However a few observations and an open mind changed my opinions drastically.

My parents were always considered as the people to go to when they needed the support. Whenever relatives or family friends had problems at home, or even high blood pressure, they would ask my parents for advice. And I really liked that. I wanted to become the person everyone goes to for support. I wanted to help people, to know that I’ve changed someone’s life. And before I knew it, I was looking through jobs in the medical field. The medical field created a big impact in my life. Thinking about it now, it’s impossible to love science and hate the medical field, but I did, and I don’t regret it. But being in the medical field satisfies not only my need for science, but my need to help people as well.

• Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution, or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

Today, I’m known as the goody two-shoes with the good grades, but even though my GPA may be high, it hasn’t always been like that for me. When I was younger, school was never really important to me. I didn’t pay attention to my grades, let alone realize how important they would be in the future. However, in the sixth grade, I had gotten fairly good grades, or so I thought. My two closest friends, who had done much better than me, were happy that I ended up with what I had gotten, but I wasn’t. I came home to share my grades with my parents, who were ecstatic, but that was where I realized that I could do so much better. 

I started to study more for my tests; to put more effort into my homework. I paid so much more attention to my grades, to the point where my GPA the most important thing to me. I studied when I first got to school, and as soon as I stepped foot in my home. And my hard work and determination had lead me to leave the eighth grade in the top 5 of my class. I continued to work as hard as I could in school, and it has gotten me so far. I realized that anyone could change. Anyone can become whoever he or she would like to be. All they need is support, determination, and a little push.

College Prompts

1. University of California-San Francisco

All applicants must respond to two essay prompts — the general prompt and either the freshman or transfer prompt, depending on your status.

Responses to your two prompts must be a maximum of 1,000 words total.

Allocate the word count as you wish. If you choose to respond to one prompt at greater length, we suggest your shorter answer be no less than 250 words.

Freshman applicant prompt

Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Prompt for all applicants

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

2. University of Pennsylvania

Common Application Essay prompts for 2013 - 2014

(minimum of 250 words with maximum of 650)

• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content. What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.

3. University of Hawaii-West Oahu

Applicants will also be required to submit one letter of recommendation from a teacher and/or counselor and a one-page personal essay (Essay topic: Tell us about yourself and explain why you have chosen UH West O`ahu for your academic studies).