• Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community, or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
Growing up with both parents working in the medical
field, their time was almost always consumed by work. I often spent my
time reading scary stories and question-and-answer books. If there’s one
thing you should know about me, it’s that I loved the sciences. I would
consider it as my passion; I need science in my life. Occasionally, when I got
sick of my science books, I would peek through my parents’ medical books. As I
looked at all of the injuries and disorders, I knew one thing I was sure of: I
was never going into the medical field. However a few observations and an open
mind changed my opinions drastically.
My parents were always considered as the people to
go to when they needed the support. Whenever relatives or family friends had
problems at home, or even high blood pressure, they would ask my parents for
advice. And I really liked that. I wanted to become the person everyone goes to
for support. I wanted to help people, to know that I’ve changed someone’s life.
And before I knew it, I was looking through jobs in the medical field. The
medical field created a big impact in my life. Thinking about it now, it’s
impossible to love science and hate the medical field, but I did, and I don’t
regret it. But being in the medical field satisfies not only my need for
science, but my need to help people as well.
• Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution, or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
Today, I’m known as the goody two-shoes
with the good grades, but even though my GPA may be high, it hasn’t always been
like that for me. When I was younger, school was never really
important to me. I didn’t pay attention to my grades, let alone realize how
important they would be in the future. However, in the sixth grade, I had
gotten fairly good grades, or so I thought. My two closest friends, who had
done much better than me, were happy that I ended up with what I had gotten,
but I wasn’t. I came home to share my grades with my parents, who were
ecstatic, but that was where I realized that I could do so much better.
I
started to study more for my tests; to put more effort into my homework. I paid
so much more attention to my grades, to the point where my GPA the most
important thing to me. I studied when I first got to school, and as soon as I
stepped foot in my home. And my hard work and determination had lead me to
leave the eighth grade in the top 5 of my class. I continued to work as hard as
I could in school, and it has gotten me so far. I realized that anyone could
change. Anyone can become whoever he or she would like to be. All they need is
support, determination, and a little push.
The essay is very well written that I can breeze through it without any confusion! As far as I've seen, there are no spelling or grammatical errors. Great job with that!
ReplyDeleteYou shouldn't use the word "And" as the starter for your sentences though. In the second paragraph of the first question, you used "And" for one sentence and used it again for the sentence after the next, which made reading the essay a little awkward. You actually don't need to add the "And" for some sentences; it makes it a lot stronger without it.
MY SUGGESTION WOULD BE CHOOSE ONE PROMPT AND DEVELOP IT INTO A FULL ESSAY. DON'T JUST ANSWER WHAT IS ASKED, BECAUSE I WANT TO SEE A FULL ESSAY. AS(2)
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